Saturday, December 29, 2012

still

I cannot describe the frustration I have been through over the past few weeks (the past few days being the worst).  I come here, to my blog, to just let it out.
But at this point, I'm too tired.  Exhausted.

I've cried, I've screamed, I've prayed.  
And I don't know what else to do.

As I showered today, I told God that I simply don't know what else to say or pray.
He said to be still.

------------------------------------------------------

Still... let me be still.
Let me be okay with the quiet in my heart.
Still... I want to be still.
I'm so quick to move instead of listening to you.
Shut my mouth.  Crush my pride.
Give me the tears of a broken life.
Still.

Still... let me be still.
And know that you are God, and you're always enough.
Still... I want to be still.
To take all that I am and simply lift it up.
Shut my mouth, crush my pride.
Give the tears of a broken life.
Still.


Saturday, December 15, 2012

madness in a small town


If you are breathing, I’m assuming you have heard of the terrible act of violence that took place just yesterday.  There is no getting around it.

Throughout the day, I spent the hours (as so many others did) glued to the television.  My heart hurt, as it felt attached to those people on the screen. 

My eyes filled with tears as I watched children being led away from a crime scene, in their very own school building, after stepping over classmates' bodies. 
Innocent minds that are now engraved with images of evil.  Sounds of gunfire ringing in their ears.  Parents flooding a parking lot, running from all directions, searching for their children. 
I can imagine it was complete chaos. 

I can't help but put myself in the shoes of those parents.  
I have a 4 year old.  Next year, I’ll be dropping him off each morning, to spend 8 hours away from me, in the hands of his teachers.  I have to trust that they will love my child as much as the teachers in Sandy Hook loved their students.

Can you imagine?  
A parent… getting a text or call that there has been a shooting at your child’s school.  Arriving to mass chaos.  Entering a Fire House.  Searching for your child in the midst of 700 other students and their parents.  You watch as some come and go with their children.  Heading home to safety.  But you are still waiting.  Waiting to hold your baby.

But your baby never comes. 
That's it.  the end.  

Why didn’t you listen to your gut?  Why didn’t you let him stay home today?  How are you supposed to leave without him?  Where do you go?  How do you continue living?

These are the questions I would ask myself if I were in their shoes.  All I can do is pray that I am never in their shoes.

Tears stream down my face as I type this.  I cannot physically imagine the gut-wrenching pain that each one of those loving parents felt… and are still feeling.

It makes me ask myself, as I’m sure you have, too:  What is wrong with the world in which we are living?  Have we lost all respect for others?  Have we completely disregarded what is RIGHT and what is WRONG?  Do we think that we can gain something by inflicting pain on others?  
How do we stop this nonsense? 

Adam Lanza is resting in eternity tonight.  It is an eternity of fire and darkness.  
So be it.

But because of his decision to commit a cowardly and senseless crime, families are forced to live through Hell on Earth…. Their minds tormented with the loss of their loved ones.

26 people’s lives were taken from them in an instant and for no apparent reason.  
And now their families must learn to cope.

I can imagine “coping” would be near impossible.

I wish there was something magical we could say to the families of these children and teachers.  I wish we could take their pain away.  I wish we could fill their hearts with joy again. 

However, all we can do is pray.  Pray quietness for their minds.  Pray strength for their bodies.  Pray healing for their hearts.  And pray peace… a peace that passes all understanding… for each and every one of their souls tonight.

Who is to say that this can't, and won't, happen somewhere else.  This little town I live in.  Are we shielded from evil?  Is someone here capable of committing a crime of this magnitude?  

Though it's so easy to do, we simply cannot live in fear.  

Tonight, my church gathered together for our annual choir Christmas worship service.
We prayed for the families of the victim's of Sandy Hook, as well as several victim's from our area who were killed or injured in senseless crimes that took place today.

The words to a song have spoken to my spirit, as they do so often.  I have sung them many times, and I sang them again tonight.  
I will make this my prayer each day.  
For my husband, for my friends and family, for my precious babies that I can hug tight tonight.

Overshadow me
In the shelter of your wings.
Holy Spirit cover me.
Overshadow me.
Overshadow me.

The only hope of Glory is Christ in me.